DREAM LODGE

2 dreams in 1 night...

DREAM ONE:
-sexual frustration
-feeling isolated, though i know i shouldnt, i sought out a sex ad of some sort
-i am in a room with two dudes.  we have oral/vaginal relations.  i remember saying/thinking in my dream "this is like a dream coming true, i'm fine with this" even though i had hesitations in my dreamself's mind...i ignored them for the sake of satisfaction which I longed for so much
-i even had carnal relations with a female, i was all up in her.  this was another scene, however...
-my hesitations stemmed from the fact that all this was unprotected.  my dream self didn't care.  i just wanted to be satisfied.

DREAM TWO:
-meeting an old man, being taken by him
-i dont have a crush on him, just charmed into liking
-i am responsible for hooking him up with an older lady neighbor type, who was closer to his age.  i am pleased with this
-i am in this house in which i am cooking noodles.  the kitchen is in the back.  tito reuel's room is near the kitchen.  i am sitting on the couch listening to the older lady about to tell a story of her previous loves or something, when tito reuel comes in to scold me: "are you cooking something back there?"
-i was in danger of burning the noodles i was boiling.  he scolded me for my half-assness, and tells me he has warned others of my lack of follow-through and care....
-somehow transitioning to this scene in which ma & pa & i are driving....this rough lookin area where there are lots of shadows.  there's bull riding, somehow people riding these buckin bulls and they are trying to get the other person off his bull...
-a feeling of familiarity
-we arrive at our destination
-for some reason we are there to meet the old man.  he tells one of his workers to show me something, he tells me to follow him.  so i went
-elements of having to hide...from who i didnt know...these passers by...i ignored them at first, they ignored me...
-they pass on.  the worker guy comes out again...he is holding some script, he scales a wall, he drops his phone.  i watch him get his phone from between bars.
-somehow "they" get him.  we are caught up in this world of hiding, i have forgotten about my family and the old man at this point in the dream...if i was lucid dreaming i'm sure i could've manipulated the heck outta this dream, but I can never get myself to realize my lucidity in dreamstate, although there are many times when I could've...

-somehow i feel like "it's up to me now"...i dont even know what "it" is....there comes a point in which i had to hide so i scaled the same wall pretty fast, and dropped down.  there were other people hiding too, they ran down some corridor, i didn't follow them.  i know i should've stayed down...but i didn't for some reason, like when you're playing soccer and you know you should keep your hands down...for some reason i stood up, thinkin i was invisible/invincible...and one guy saw me.  i crouched down but it was too late.  he came up and talked to me.  he told me it was too late.  he told me give me the script.  i shook my head.  he said ok fine have it your way...i remember there were 3 of them...the slowness of their moves showing me they were certain to have their way with me, they were confident i was fucked so they're just gonna take their time, no point in rushing...

-as soon's they were gone i ran off...i knew i should protect the script at any cost.  i woke up trying to hide it...

DREAM LODGE

-the impression of running from impending doom, constantly "on the run" couldnt find a place to settle. 
-silk flowers
-running down stairs
-in cognito
-iggy pop, ms. fos, marlae, clay and me

It's getting hot...it's war time...

HOW TO PREPARE FOR HOT HUMID WEATHER IN SOUTHERN UNITED STATES:

1.  Clean air conditioner! 
         For central air: change filter and clean off faceplate. 
         For window units: clean/replace filter, clean faceplate, and clean inside unit with hose if you can detach it from window, or with compressed air if you can't detach it.

2.  Change rotation of ceiling fans!
          For hot times rotation should be COUNTER CLOCKWISE, or else hot air will continually be pushed down upon you, and that shit sucks.

3.  Clean the fan blades! 
          ...while you're up there...why the fuck not....unless you like to breathe dusty air...
          For standing/table fans, take the faceplate off, clean that shit, and clean the blades...

4.  Have screens on every door/window.         
         'Cuz access to fresh air is very important, and if you don't have a screen on your shit then it's an open invite to all bugs: moths, flies, termites, and worst of all: mosquitoes!  And that sucks, literally :)
          On the same note, if standard screens are just not an option, there's the DIY method: sheer cloth/curtain pinned up & weighted down.  Think about it.


I have chosen to move into this house that is 1/2 the price of my old pad.  Granted, my old pad was for sale and it was only a matter of time until it was sold and I had to move anyway, so I feel like I made the right choice, financially. 

This place is half the price because it is in the Lower 9th Ward (meaning I have to cross train tracks and a couple bridges to get in the hood from New Orleans Proper), and because it doesn't have a dishwasher or central air.  I can live with crossing over tracks & bridges.  I can live without a dishwasher....but no central air is something that I accepted as a new life challenge.

This is the first time in my life I'm living without.  I always liked New Orleans because it kinda made me feel like I was in the Philippines....well now I really feel like my ass is back in the motherland, now more than ever...However, unlike the houses there, I have high ceilings, which works to my advantage, and a shotgun house with the door facing the muddy ol' Mississippi River (meaning I get the river breeze if I keep both my front and back screen door open).

My new setup is truly a project.  I am painting (cuz the walls were these bright colors that just weren't me), trying to find a place for everything, and am in war mode against the oppressive humidity & heat.  I never back away from a challenge; I KNEW what I was getting into, weighed it as thoroughly as I could, and now it's just a matter of doing the damn thang.  Because shit ain't gonna fix/clean itself.  Contrary to what my ego may tell me, I am NOT some queen who has others do shit for her....I am, a queen, yes, but the kind of queen who DOES SHIT HERSELF.

I'm just counting all this as life experience and practicing some knowledge I've already acquired. 

I KNEW living alone would be like this.  I am truly glad.  It may feel sucky at times, but I'm glad to have this experience.  Thank you, God.  Because it makes me stop being lazy...it makes me stop relying on those "1st World Comforts" that I got so used to growing up in suburban America...this is truly a different kind of life.  It is different because it's a project; I gotta roll up my sleeves and put a fuckton of sweat and elbow grease into creating my own comfort...I am glad for this because I don't want to be one of those people who NEED ready-made comfort, who are helpless without it, and hire/get people to do their work for them...

Through all this, I remind myself I have peers who would even find THIS a luxury...the high ceilings, the ceiling fans, the window unit, the ability to take on the challenge (working limbs so's I can climb a ladder), the fact that I even have a ladder, that I even have a place so cheap, can afford to live by myself, can afford electricity...and the mere fact that I live in New Orleans at all...

Anyway.  I reckon this is a sort of culture shock, getting my fat, spoiled, suburban, central-air-lovin, queeny ass up and working on this shit....Thank you to God, truly, for presenting me with this challenge...cuz I could go on forever living in such a luxurious way...truly dependent on those 1st World Comforts...I feel somewhat liberated.  Girl Power!  Go independent living!  Good riddance, ready-made luxury and my dependence on it!

PS in case I read this in the future and scoff, "Oh yah I was prolly just tryin to make myself feel better...": UNTRUE!  I really do feel this way.  And anyway, if I can't find the positivity in shit, then I'm really in trouble...

Note to self.

It is important to remember there's sun and a blue sky behind those gray clouds.

All we can do is be prepared as best we can.

DREAM LODGE

-i dreamt i was part of a group of people, girls.  i was one of the girls.  middle school age because i remembered some students i have.  i was like their peer.  i remember being sat at a table, i sat near one of the girls i have a strong connection with in real life.

-i was the one recording the event.  i took pictures.  my father was the one in charge, and let me go back to the car to get the camera.  i remember finding a camera i thought i put back, in the grass...reminiscent of a childhood memory of me leaving my dad's very expensive camera on a chair in the airport, and someone stealing it...

-i remember being with some of my artsy friends...we were at their house.  somehow it was also the space (tho it isnt in real ife) where tia from pitbulls and parolees kept animals...i remember taking pictures of these animals behind stair bars.  i was using a very small camera.

-i remember a cat and a dog.

-i remember there was a person we didn't feel comfortable with, so we stayed around (to protect the house), until the ones who actually lived in that house arrived.  i remember saying i was hungry and one friend plucked some lettuce to eat...from a garden

-i remember having a gathering and there were two very jealous girls...

-surprisingly, sunil was there.  we were all watching a video that he had of his quartet, they were playing music everywhere.  it was funny.  they were playing EVERYWHERE...on the streets, on a streetcar, on a corner, in a house, walking down a street, in an alley....

-i remember cleaning out my mom's bathroom, it was very familiarly my mom's bathroom.  she had a horde of soap, some half used toilet paper...i remember finding some fake eyelashes and gluing them to my eyes...some luxurious very bushy ones!  i think it was reminiscent of me watching my friend get her weave done.

-i remember freely being topless.  i didn't care.  it didnt' seem to phase anyone either.  i had on a gray stretch cotton skirt (in real life that's my favorite skirt)

-BEST OF ALL there was this very familiar "table car"...it was a low, square wood coffee table, ON WHEELS!  i don't know how this was possible, but i also somehow had a comfortable chair that was low too, like a couch, or a very low comfy chair....anyway, it was low enough for me to put my legs under the coffee table....and somehow i could DRIVE it....and in my dream world, this was a very familiar thing to me, i'd driven it before....there were still people that were confused and surprised by my table car...i remember on-lookers, haha

-i remember buying some blunts at a store, and somehow opening up the blunt as soon as i get into my car, and finding a NOTE in there!  it was weird.  i remember someone chastising me for smoking weed, and putting a roach into somewhere, anywhere....finding a little tin, and it was FULL of grind...it was wierd...it was conveniently found under the coffee table...

-i remember having a room in that punk house that was mine, however it also had a few housecats roaming and it was messy (my real room wouldn't be so messy) and it smelled like kitty litter....it was disturbing, the smell...i remember cats in the closet, a cat roaming behind a mirror...

Balance

every thing is

balance

we strive for balance

we struggle 

because we are out of 

balance

we yearn for balance

we need balance

koyaanisqatsi

too much

is not balanced

to compete or compare

is not balanced

to lack

is to lack balance

when we feel empty

we have no balance

how 

how do you find balance?

it materializes with

no fanfare or noise

escapes us like vapor

powaqqatsi

balance in

little things

one thing at a time

in the now

in the now

balance in

silent minds 

peaceful heart

clear mind and heart

open, receptive,

humble.

balance in 

giving and 

loving others

sharing in love

and peace.

balance when we 

fight the currents

of false alarm 

and urgency.

balance when 

we remember

what is 

and always will 

be important.

balance in not

getting absorbed

by the little picture

but the grand 

masterpiece

of everything

and every one.  

balance in love

is love

always 

as a nautilus shell.

Our first game

versus KIPP...it was a close game.  I really believe the girls tried their hardest, and were nervous because most of them didn't know what to expect...most didn't know what a game looked like/haven't played an official game before/never watched a game.  Also, playing in a gym is very different indeed than playing indoors.  Personally, I LOVE the gym.  I will still play VB outside anytime, but inside makes the game feel REAL.  I love the sound when someone bumps a volleyball in a quiet gym, a deep boom with a low echo.  I love the clear boundaries, the controlled air environment--a controlled environment so players can truly focus on their body, awareness, and the game. 

DREAM LODGE

I recall not wanting to wake up because I was dreaming of the x-men....

I recall also something like my family was trying to get on some tv show, but there were snags, and I was trying to find something to wear in a closet.  I ask from a banister upstairs in whatever house I'm in if it'll be cold, Maki says "Yes it will be cold tonight."

I recall wearing an elaborate witch hat but it was heavy so i eventually took it off outside a popular hangout spot and lost it.

I also recall taking a bath and then going out to that popular hangout spot, wrapped in a black towel.  In the dream I don't really care about it, I have my black dress with me.  I put the dress on tactfully without showing myself.  People watch but I don't care.